Still A Skirt
by piper maru duchovny
Summary: Post Mitch's death. How does Dawson finally handle his grief? With a phone call to the one person he truly trusts of course. Dawson/Gretchen.. what else is ther?


**A/N: This hit me as I was watching re-runs of DC on Noggin. No lie, I cried over Mitch dying. More than once.**

**Disclaimer: Not Mine.**

"Give me her number Pacey." Dawson said as he jumped up onto the boat.

"Dawson, man what are you talking about?" Pacey asked, he was shocked to see Dawson, he had left Capeside after Mitch's funeral and had heard only of going ons from Joey and Jen. He sighed, he knew what Dawson was after and he was about to break the rules and give it to him.

"You know what I want Pace." Dawson told him, he needed it, he had to have it.

"She's gonna kill me for this Dawson." Pacey said as he grabbed a piece of paper and scribbled down the number in dark blue ink.

"I think she'll understand." Dawson said as he accepted the paper, folding it up and sticking it in his pocket of his coat.

"Yeah. Dawson, I know I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'm really, really sorry." Pacey told him.

"I know Pace." Dawson gave him a look, to convey his thanks and then turned on his heel, walking down the dock.

"God help him." Pacey muttered to the sky.

Dawson drove back to Capeside, his mother was going to have dinner with Mrs. Ryan and Bessie, he was supposed to watch Lilly for her. Dawson arrived at home, slamming the door to the jeep, he'd wait til his mother left and then he'd call her. Just to hear her voice again, maybe it would bring him back to sanity.

"Don't hesitate to call. I appreciate this." Gale told him and kissed his forehead and then Lilly's before walking out the door. Dawson sighed and put his head in his hands, giving a forced smile to his little sister.

"So should I do it now Lilly?" Dawson asked as he pulled the paper out of his pocket, it was almost worn out because he had been running his thumb over it all day. Dawson heard Lilly giggle and smiled, "Thanks for the advice little sister."

Dawson got up from his chair, walking across the floor, he grabbed the phone and dialed the number, he paced back and forth the kitchen while the phone rang, smiling when he heard the familiar voice, "Hello?"

"Gretchen.." Dawson breathed.

"Dawson...hey." Gretchen said softly, sitting down on her couch, she had taken a job in Chicago, going to school part time at University of Illinois. She had gotten a call from Pacey and had wondered if she should call him, but figured it was better to let him come to her, if he wanted her support, he'd ask for it.

"Judging by the tone of voice, I'd venture to guess you've heard." Dawson said, he couldn't help but smile though, Gretchen Witter just had that affect on him.

"Pacey called. God, Dawson...I'm sorry. And I know that's something really stupid to say, but I am. Cause, God, that sucks." Gretchen said, she couldn't empathize with him, she'd never been in his situation, she wouldn't give him sympathy, because she knew that last thing he wanted was her pity.

"Thanks Gretch. I just, I asked Pacey for your number,don't be mad at him. I just, you're the one person I've never had trouble talking to about stuff." Dawson sat down in his chair, letting Lilly play with his free hand.

"You can always call me, I should've had Pacey give you the number." Gretchen told him.

"Or you could of just called me and left out the middle man." Dawson suggested, grinning.

"Oh yes, I could've done that." Gretchen shook her head at her stupidity, Dawson Leery had the ability to make her feel like a thirteen year old girl.

"I am babysitting Lilly and I figured she wouldn't tell anyone I called you or try to analyze it six ways from Sunday." Dawson explained.

"I understand. How is the kid?" Gretchen asked, she hadn't seen Lilly since she had left four months ago.

"Growin' like a weed. God, it sucks Gretch. She'll never know her Dad and how amazing he was or how much he loved her." Dawson put his head in his hands.

"Yes she will Dawson, because you'll teach her everything he would've taught her and you'll tell her all these stories of how amazing he was and all the things he did with you." Gretchen explained.

"Gretchen, you're a saint." Dawson told her.

"No, I just know you. Dawson... you gotta cry. You just need to break down and sob. Get it all out of you, cause it's gonna eat you alive." Gretchen told him, wishing that she was there to hold him, to get him through this.

"I just.. I can't. Because everytime I think I could cry, someone else breaks down."

"Dawson, you lost your father. No one expects you to be the strong one all the time." Gretchen said, her eyes filling with the tears that Dawson wouldn't let fall.

"I..just.. if I cry, everyone is gonna pity me and I don't want or need that." Dawson told her, his voice thick with emotion and quavering.

"Then go in your room, lock yourself up in that closet of yours and sob. You don't have to let people see you grieve, but you need to grieve. It's important to the healing process."

"Gretchen... God, I just.. I miss him. The last thing.. we had a fight cause I wanted to quit USC and move closer. To Boston."

"I know.. Pacey told me."

"Pacey has a big mouth."

"Yes, he does. That's beside the point. Dawson, he didn't want you to quit film school, not because he didn't want you close, but he didn't want you to give up on your dream. You already lost your passion once, he was probably hoping it wouldn't happen again. One thing I know for sure, Dawson Leery, your father loved you and loved being a father more then anything. You and Lilly were his life." Gretchen said, wishing she could take his hand.

Dawson felt the tears falling, his shoulders shaking with silent sobs.

"Cry Dawson, let it all out." Gretchen whispered, crying with him. Lilly couldn't understand what was going on, but whimpered in her chair, she didn't like seeing her big brother upset.

Dawson cried for nearly an hour, letting all his emotions out, Gretchen listened to him cry, whispered soothing thoughts in his ear. "Sssh, it's gonna be okay. It doesn't seem like it, but it will."

"Thank you Gretchen." Dawson said when he was done crying. He wiped his tears on his soaked sleeve.

"You don't have to thank me Dawson." Gretchen told him.

"Gretchen, don't hate me for saying this, but I love you."

"I love you too Dawson Leery. Now wash your face, settle yourself down, give Lilly a bottle and then I demand that you both go to bed." Gretchen advised.

"Still a skirt." Dawson muttered as he hung up.


End file.
